Let The Games Begin

I hate comedy competitions. That's blunt and not very well thought out. Let me rephrase it a bit more diplomatically: Comedy competitions are everything that is wrong with comedy. There we go... much better.

I told someone outside the world of stand up the other day about a yearly comedy competition that gets pretty good attention here in the Midwest. I explained that there are weeks and weeks of first round shows and it ultimately leads to a finals night where the "best" performers in the area compete against each other for cash prizes and chances at weekend gigs. Their response: "wow... that sounds really dumb." And I couldn't agree more.

For starters, their are judges to every comedy competition. Sometimes... it's just the crowd. So, basically whoever brings the most people is going to win. "But Jesse... that sounds like a good way to get people to a show and root for their friend." Totally true, and I understand the business side of it. But, a lot of times it's just a panel, or other comics who are making the ruling with either a thumbs up or a thumbs down. Comedy is subjective. More subjective than even other forms of entertainment. Say there is a movie festival, and they are going to give an award for best movie. There is an awesome suspense/thriller/horror movie that is just the bees knees. From top to bottom it's simply well done for that genre. But, oh ho ho, wait a second there Quick Draw McGraw, the judges... yeah... they like chick flick movies way better.. even if that chick flick has Jennifer Garner in it. So... they are going to vote for the movie they like better going in most of the time.

Leading us to: Anything with judges is not a real competition. A three point shoot out is a real competition. Know why? Because the guy who makes the most three pointers wins. Home Run Derby? Real competition. Horse Race? Real competition. Hot Dog Eating Contest? Yep... more of a competition than anything comedy related (and sometimes easier to watch.) But... but... but... there are judges in the Olympics for gymnastics... are you saying those aren't real competition? Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying. It's someone's opinion. Opinions are variables. If a comic who finished last in a competition had five different judges, he or she might have won first.

I've done comedy competitions before, I've won one before (albeit a one nighter), and from here on out I refuse to ever do one again for one simple reason: It turns comics against each other. Comedy is already competitive enough. There are already enough douche bags in stand up comedy. There are also a lot of really great, kind, supportive human beings that do stand up. Pitting us against each other in a FAKE competition to me will only create hard feelings (because comics are the most sensitive bunch of pansies, myself included, that anyone would care to meet). I believe comics should stick together and be supportive of one another. I'm not talking about just anyone who jumps on stage at an open mic and says, "I'm a comic." I mean people who travel and take what we do seriously. Which is simple: We all tell jokes and want to make people laugh.

That's it. Sure, we all want to make money and be famous. I would love to do that, but I don't want to do it at the expense of others and making enemies along the way. Anyone who takes a comedy competition seriously is someone I never want to be on the same show with. If anyone reading this says, "Hey... I take comedy competitions seriously!" You are a colossal douche. Pretty sure that should be in the dictionary under the definition of the word. To me, if you take a competition with your fellow comics seriously, that is just a sign - a sign that you would sell any of us down the river for nothing more than two minutes of extra stage time. Those are the kind of people we need to ween out of the local comedy scenes. They bring everyone down. But they don't bring us down near as much as comedy competitions.