This Isn't Going To Work Out...

Performing to no laughs is a painful experience. The first few times it happens it feels like the ultimate form of rejection. After a string of them you are convinced there is some thing innately wrong with what you are doing. After a few good sets, it happens again, and you slowly dissect every small thing you did wrong. But you thinking rationally and convince yourself it went fine, and you will go and do it again next week.

Not too long ago, after performing to a large crowd where I literally heard a pen drop (the waitress was new at writing down orders) - I got off stage and felt indifferent. Not because the Army was likely to offer me a good sum of money for the huge tank I just received, but because I realized I simply wasn't that crowds cup of coffee. (I know... it's tea... but there is flavored coffee now... so it's accurate.)

I have begun likening performing to dating. You can be a fun person who has had successful first dates in the past, and be going on a date with someone who seems fun and upbeat. Then throughout the date... you have nothing in common. You use little tricks, go to certain places, and say certain things that have worked before... but this particular person isn't buying what you are selling. They like chocolate, you like vanilla. You're a homebody, they like going out. You like to drink, they have a one year chip on their key ring from AA. Simply... it isn't going to work out.

Now, could you make it work? Maybe... at least a little. But at some point you are both giving in a little to what you enjoy simply to make something work that has no legs, it becomes fake, forced, and desperate. At a certain point... both parties know it, too.

But also... a "date" can be going really well early on and then you say something mean, insensitive, or crude that just sets them down the unbeaten path... there was a fork in the road and you went into the Uncharted Forrest of Offensiveness. You had no way of knowing they would act so irrationally towards something, but the damage was done, and there is a good chance your date is going to hit the bathroom never to return againl... at least until you are gone and some one else is in your place.

You could take your date to the best horror movie in the world, and if they not only dislike horror movies, but are currently in the mood to watch a drama... it doesn't matter how good the horror movie is made, or how many other people have liked it before, they aren't going to get into it.

So the next time I am going to handle a bomb on stage the same way I would handle a bad date... by being completely rational and convince my friends it went fine... and that I'm going to see that person again next week.